Are Christians Passive-Aggressive?

Defining "Passive-Aggressive"

Are Christians passive-aggressive? Quite often, yes. A better question, though, is whether Christians are called to be passive-aggressive. Does God's Word actually encourage passive-aggressiveness?

Before answering, it’s good to define one’s terms. By “passive-aggressive” I mean outward passivity with inward aggressiveness. Stated more fully, passive-aggressiveness is when one pretends to be passive on the outside (i.e. being “nice”, maintaining civility), all the while he/she is being quite aggressive on the inside (i.e. harboring feelings of anger or resentment). Our outward actions quite often disguise our inward attitudes. Someone who is being passive-aggressive is playing this very game, hiding his hatred under the guise of civility and niceness.

Does Romans 12:19-20 Commend Passive-Aggressiveness?

So that is passive-aggressiveness, and now back to the question: Are Christians called to be passive-aggressive? It seems quite possibly so. Romans 12:19-20 is particularly alarming for those of us who loathe passive-aggressiveness: “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’ To the contrary, ‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.’”

Is God’s Word really encouraging passive-aggressiveness here? What kind of disposition toward others – and more especially toward those who wrong us – are these verses calling for?

It’s not unusual for these verses to be used as justification for hating and resenting those who wrong us. As long as our inner feelings and thoughts don’t result in outward action, we’re still acting Christianly, right? Passive-aggressive Christians think it’s okay to wish for the destruction of others, insofar as we stay civil on the outside. We’re waiting, quite eagerly, for the vengeance of God to destroy those who sin against us.

So much for praying “forgive us our trespasses, in the same way we forgive those who trespass against us,” which leads to my next point.

Passive-Aggressiveness is Unchristian

In spite of its prevalence, the passive-aggressive interpretation of Romans 12:19-20 is quite patently wrong. To make this clear, we need only to recall Christ’s attitude toward his executioners: “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34) Or his teaching: “First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean…You are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness.” (Matthew 23:26, 27)

Passive-aggressiveness – outward civility masking inward bitterness – is simply unchristian. When Romans speaks of heaping burning coals on our enemy’s head, it is expressing hope not that our enemy will be destroyed, but that he will no longer be an enemy – indeed, that we will forgive and be reconciled to one another. That is what God desires: “As I live, declares the Lord GOD, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live.” (Ezekiel 33:11) Reconciliation is what God desires, and it’s what his people desire.

Three Possible Responses to Sin

At one time or another, every person suffers because of the sins of others. There are three ways of responding to such suffering. The barbarous seek vengeance on those responsible. The passive-aggressive, meanwhile, remain outwardly civil, but inwardly resent and hate those who do them wrong. Then there is the Christian, who, just like his Lord, loves his enemy. He is patient and kind even and especially toward the most insufferable people.

All of that is to say, the Christian suffers not just because of the sins of others, but also for the sins of others. Christ suffered in the same way: not just because of sinners, but for them. In doing so, some of his enemies (we ourselves were once his enemies!) repented of their sin. All were forgiven; some repented and received forgiveness.

The Christian may hope, no, he must hope that his enemies, perhaps through his own graciousness toward them, may someday turn from their sin and receive the forgiveness that the Christian wants nothing more than to give. And the Christian hopes for this not so that he will be spared the burden of difficult people, but rather that difficult people will taste the blessedness of life in Christ. This is the way of love, and love – not barbarism, not passive-aggressiveness, but love – is the mark of a Christian:
“Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you." - Luke 6:27-28
 

Flesh and Blood Has Not Revealed This

“You Are the Christ”

This Sunday, many will hear the gospel reading in which Peter identifies Jesus as "the Christ, the Son of the living God." (Matthew 16:13-20) Peter’s confession is not mere words on his lips, but rather a conviction deep in his heart. "Out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45)

What, then, is the conviction of Peter’s heart? What does it mean to believe that Jesus is "the Christ"? It means believing he is the true Savior from sin, death, and the devil. These three are the "Unholy Trinity" that ruin life, and from which man needs salvation. The world proposes a variety of functional saviors, created things that will somehow fulfill our deepest longings, save us, and make life truly blessed. (The advertisement industry is expert at this.) Peter’s conviction is that none but Jesus is Savior. He’s the one and only Christ, in whom man’s deepest desires find their satisfaction.

There is in the human heart a certain inviolable law. Namely, the human heart most loves whatever is most lovely to it. This same law can be extrapolated thusly: The human heart trusts that which it esteems most trustworthy, desires that which it believes most desirable, and worships and serves that which it finds most good and glorious. Peter’s confession indicates that his heart has grasped the following truth: Jesus is incomparably lovelier and more trustworthy, desirable, good, and glorious than anything else. That is to say, life in Jesus – walking in his ways – is incomparably better than anything the world has to offer.*

*The one who really believes this will live accordingly. Contrariwise, the one who doesn’t live accordingly thereby shows that he does not believe.

“Flesh and Blood Has Not Revealed This”

How did Peter reach this conviction? Jesus says, “Flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven.” Despite Jesus’ statement, people have long tried to arrive at faith through flesh and blood efforts. Two particular ways have predominated.

First, there is the flesh and blood attempt to arrive at faith through eloquent speech and argumentation. (For the record, I am much more prone to this kind of “flesh and blood” attempt than to the next.) If only our preachers were more impressive, or our Christian books (including the Bible!) more intellectually convincing, then we’d all believe that Jesus is the Christ. The result of such thinking? We chase only the most eloquent preachers, rather than the most faithful. And we read book after book in order to convince ourselves that Jesus is the Christ, and yet we still never arrive at such faith.

St. Anselm spoke of faith seeking understanding, but many reverse the order as if faith will be ours once we understand. This never works. Faith is no mere assent of the intellect, but a conviction written on the heart. Whereas intellectual assent can exist solely in the head and can coincide with persistent disobedience, faith cannot. Faith makes fundamental changes to the human will so that it delights in obeying God. No human wisdom can achieve this.

The second “flesh and blood” attempt to produce conversion is through emotional experience. The thinking goes like this: If only we had a certain kind of religious experience, something in which we felt emotional about Jesus, then we’d believe in him and follow his ways. And so, Christians of this bent are always pursuing a religious experience that will produce a certain feeling in them. Worship services and prayer are engaged in for the sake of this feeling, and if the feeling isn’t found, then disappointment ensues. And even if the feeling is found, it never lasts. True faith abides; emotional experiences do not.

While the first “flesh and blood” attempt thinks of faith as mere intellectual assent, the second defines faith as a feeling. Neither is right. Yes, the gospel is intellectually and emotionally persuasive, and faith in Christ does indeed change the intellect and forms one’s feelings. Nevertheless, such intellectual and emotional changes are not faith itself. They are simply its byproducts, and the one who pursues only the byproducts of faith is sinfully mistaken.

One may pursue the most eloquent preachers and books, or the most emotional worship services and service opportunities, but such a man will not be pursuing Jesus. He will have made a god out of his intellect or his emotions, and therefore the true God, Jesus, will remain elusive to him.

“But My Father Who is in Heaven”

Peter’s conviction was wrought in him not by flesh and blood, but by the Spirit of God. The kind of faith that changes the heart and gives rise to discipleship is something God himself works inside a man. 2^nd Corinthians 4:6 is key here: “For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.” This knowledge of God’s glory in the face of Jesus Christ – this belief that life in Christ is truly better than anything else – is arrived at not through the flesh and blood efforts of man, but through the revelation of God. It is his gift to those whom he has chosen; it is his work inside his people.

One caveat, however: That does not mean one can go along his merry way and expect to somehow arrive at faith. There is much talk in the Church about faith being a gift of God that we do nothing to earn. That’s true so far as it goes, but it’s also true that faith doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. God has ordained a certain way in which people come to faith. Namely, faith comes through hearing the Word of Christ. (Romans 10:17)

That means would-be Christians must hear God’s Word. It is no accident that Christ says, “Take care then how you hear.” (Luke 8:18) In order for the obedience of faith to come about, it is crucial that one listen attentively and submissively to God’s Word – whether his Word is written, preached and taught, or visible (i.e. the Sacraments).

Plant and Water Prayerfully

Perhaps the best analogy for understanding this is 1^st Corinthians 3:6: “I planted the Seed (God’s Word), Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.” The duty of Christians is to plant and water the Seed. But in the end, only God can give the growth. That means all planting and watering – all preaching, teaching, listening, learning, Bible-studies, worship services, any and all kinds of spiritual disciplines – must be done prayerfully. They must be done, that is, in complete reliance on and openness to the Spirit of God. Only he can produce true growth in Christ.

A Final Word

Peter’s confession – “You are the Christ” – signified his faith in Christ. Yes, his faith was weak and he was prone to lapses. (Read just a few verses after the passage being addressed here. It’s not pretty.) Nevertheless, Peter had begun to believe in Jesus and be changed by him. This faith was not an achievement, whether intellectual, emotional, or otherwise. No, Peter’s faith was wrought in him by the Spirit of God through the hearing of the Word of God. He heard the Word, and he received it with the obedience of faith. Such is the way of all God’s people right down to this very day.

From Dog to Lost Sheep

An Introductory Note on Demon Possession

Because this Sunday's gospel reading speaks of demon-possession, a brief word on demons seems appropriate. Demons can be conceived of as beings that take possession of the human heart by luring one into idolatry. Whereas angels speak God’s message of truth and thereby encourage devotion to our Creator, demons speak lies and thereby lead one to worship and bow down to created things. Said differently, when the human heart turns any created thing into its functional savior or “god”, all of life begins to revolve around that false god. Such slavery to a created thing is, in a nutshell, the nature of demon possession – which is perhaps far more common than our world recognizes.

A Canaanite Woman’s Prayer and Jesus’ Not-Exactly-Pastoral Response

Many Christians in their gathering this weekend will hear Matthew 15:21-28, in which a Canaanite woman begs Jesus to heal her demon-possessed daughter. Jesus’ initial response to the woman’s prayer is not what one would expect. First he tells the disciples, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” Then he tells the woman, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs.”

Apparently Jesus failed his pastoral care classes. His response seems not only unkind, but also contradictory to his own teachings – and really to the teachings of God’s Word as a whole. Indeed, what happened to his saying, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick” (Luke 5:31)? Or St. Paul’s saying, “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners” (1 Timothy 1:15)?

The Harshness Has a Purpose

While many would like to ignore or explain away Jesus' harshness, Martin Luther does neither. Instead, in a sermon on this same passage, Luther notes the personal experience of any given sinner – that is, how no sinner receives the grace of God without first being humbled. That is to say, for Jesus to heal our iniquities, we need first to admit culpability and responsibility for them. (As a side note, this accords with my own conversion to Christ, and also with any continued growth in Christ. None of it has ever happened apart from being convicted and reproved for sin.)

It may sound harsh, but the daughter’s demon-possession was her own fault and, more broadly, her own people’s fault. It was a consequence of their idolatry. To explain that a little, idol worship – which is to love created things over and against our Creator – always leads to bondage. (Cf. 2 Peter 2:19) Because the Canaanites worshiped idols, the daughter’s bondage to a demon could be expected. It was simply a natural consequence of their sinful ways.

Jesus points this out not so that the Canaanite woman will walk away from him, but so that she will walk away from her previous way of life. He’s getting her to disown her idols and cling to him instead. And so, Jesus’ harsh response has a purpose. Namely, Christ is drawing her to repentance – again, not so that she will despair of his grace, but so that she will despair of any so-called merit or goodness of her own. Modern psychology tends to say we should think well of ourselves, but “those who are well have no need for a physician.” The patient first needs to be told that she is sick. Only then can the remedy of grace can be applied.

A Far Greater Kindness

So Jesus’ apparent unkindness is in fact the greatest kindness. Most want only to be told, “You’re good the way you are. Go in peace.” But Jesus loves sinners more than that. He will not ignore their true condition, nor will he leave them to wallow in their sinfulness. He wants to free his people from their bondage, and the first step to such freedom is the admission that we ourselves have created such bondage. (Alcoholics Anonymous knows this quite well.) Those who admit they are “dogs” – that is, unworthy to receive the grace of God and the gift of new life – can thereby have their status changed from “dog” to “lost sheep of the house of Israel.”

In short, for the consequence of sin (demon-possession and alienation from God) to be undone, the cause of sin (idol-worship) needs to be addressed and repented from. Hence Jesus’ initial response to the woman’s prayer. It may have been severe, but the severity of God is kindness to those who embrace it in faith. Even in the face of humiliation and in the face of a God whose severity against sin cannot be doubted, the one who believes still says, “Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table.” (Matthew 15:27) With that faith, which subsists in repentance, Jesus’ final response can be heard: “Great is your faith! Be it done for you as you desire.” (Matthew 15:28)

And so the sinner goes from being a "dog" to being counted a "lost sheep of the house of Israel." Christ came for the lost sheep, and this particular one has been found.