Strategy #2 for Making Life Miserable - Playing the Victim

This is the second post in a series on making life miserable. The first strategy recommended was living with expectations. Now comes strategy number two:

Playing the Victim

What does it mean to play the victim? In short, it is to focus as much as possible on how you’ve been wronged. It is to perseverate on the difficult circumstances and/or the difficult people you’ve encountered.

Life can be hard, for sure. Everyone knows that, but professional victims set themselves apart by talking incessantly about how hard it is. Want to join their ranks? Then convince yourself that you're the only one who faces adversity. Moreover, become expert at focusing on things you'd like to change but over which you have no control.

Of course, focusing on things we can’t control leads to frustration, and frustration is, in fact, a miserable thing. That misery of frustration can be cultivated by keeping our gaze fixed on that which we cannot change, the goal being to feel as powerless as possible. To that end, never truly pray and trust that God hears you. If you want to stay frustrated and miserable, then you need to act like God has no control over life, either.

Ultimately, the victim’s life is all about “getting through” and always feeling wronged by life. As a result of that mindset, the victim never truly lives. He doesn’t enjoy the gift of life, doesn’t make personal change, doesn’t forgive, and doesn’t reconcile himself to reality. Misery indeed.

“Why does this always happen to me? Why is life so unfair?” It can be very comforting to play the victim. It’s much easier to blame others than take responsibility and ownership of one’s life. Life is meant to be lived, but those who’d rather be miserable can easily stay that way. The key? Persisting in the age-old blame-game.

When Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the serpent. “It’s this woman’s fault! It’s that serpent’s fault! I’m a victim of circumstance! I’m a victim of someone else’s bad choices!” No one took personal responsibility, but instead played the role of victim. The bliss of Eden was lost immediately.

It is recovered only in Christ Jesus, who, instead of playing the victim and looking for someone to blame, willingly took the sins of others upon himself. To the question of Cain – “Am I my brother’s keeper?” – Jesus gave the answer, “Yes, I am.” This is the only way out of misery. That is to say, forgiveness is the only way back to Eden.

And so, to those who truly want to be miserable, all of the above can be summarized in just two words: Never forgive.

Strategy #1 for Making Life Miserable - Carrying Expectations

I’ve decided to write a series of posts on how to make life miserable. Yes, I know that no one really wants to be miserable. Okay, I’ll speak just for myself: I know that I don’t want to be miserable. Nevertheless, writing about how to make life miserable is helpful for avoiding just those things that lead to misery.

And so, without further ado, here is Strategy #1 for robbing life of its joy:

Living with Expectations

If you want to lead a miserable life, then carry around the expectation that everything should go well. Expect the weather to be good, expect daily tasks to be easy, and most of all, expect people to be lovely, to read your mind, and to treat you just the way you like.

Of course, at some point (and perhaps quite frequently) these expectations will not be met and you'll experience disappointment. That’s the first step toward misery. Now if you can manage to wallow in your disappointment, that’s the key to making your life truly miserable.

It’s helpful to dwell on this equation: Contentment = Reality minus Expectations. Hence, having huge expectations will greatly diminish your contentedness. The converse is also true. If you have absolutely no expectations, then your equation is: Contentment = Reality. In short, if you really do want to be miserable, then make sure your expectations always exceed reality.

In relation to that, avoid the realization that life is a gift. That is to say, ignore the fact that you did not give yourself this life and that your existence is totally superfluous. Pure, undeserved gift: That’s what life is.

But ignore that. Pretend instead that life is something you wrought and earned for yourself. More than that, pretend that not just life, but life going well, is your right. No-one and no-thing should interfere with your right to have life go smoothly.

With that mindset, life’s interferences will make you complain vigorously. Verbal complaint is the fruit of a thankless and miserable heart, the opposite of which is a grateful heart.

“We thy people, the flock of thy pasture, will give thanks to thee forever.” (Psalm 79:13) It is best to avoid those words, and instead sit down at the bitter water of Meribah and join the age-old complaint of man against God:

“Would that we had perished when our brothers perished before the Lord! Why have you made us come up out of Egypt, to bring us to this evil place?” (Numbers 20:3, 5)